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T'was
the night before Christmas,
When
all through the house
Not
a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The
stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In
hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The
children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While
visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And
Mamma in her kerchief and I in my cap,
Had
just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap;
When
out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I
sprang from the bed to see what was the matter
Away
to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore
open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The
moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave
the luster of mid-day to objects below,
When,
what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But
a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
With
a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I
knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More
rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And
he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
“
Now, Dasher ! now Dancer ! now Prancer and Vixen !
On,
Comet ! on
Cupid !
on, Donder and Blitzen !
To
the top of the porch ! to the top of the wall !
Now
dash away ! dash away !
dash away all !
As
dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When
they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So
up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With
the sleigh full of Toys, and St. Nicholas too.
And
then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
The
prancing and pawing of each little hoof;
As
I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down
the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He
was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And
his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A
bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
And
he looked like a pedlar just opening his pack.
His
eyes – how they twinkled ! his dimples, how merry !
His
cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry !
His
droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And
the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
The
stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And
the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He
had a broad face and a round little belly,
That
shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly.
He
was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And
I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself,
A
wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon
gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He
spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And
fill’d all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And
laying his finger aside of his nose,
And
giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He
sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And
away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But
I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
“
HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND
TO
ALL A GOOD NIGHT “.
The New Santa Contract
I regret to inform you that effective
immediately, I will no longer be able to serve the Southern United
States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of
the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and
Elves Local 209. I now serve only the Northern United States and Europe.
As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for
"fortified" milk and cookies. However, I'm certain that your children
will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my
third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South
Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and
girls; however, there are a few differences between us.
1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing
your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh to
prevent sleigh jackings, as a sign that reads: "These toys are insured
by Smith and Wesson."
2. In stead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus
prefers that children leave an RC cola and prk rinds (or a moon pie) on
the fireplace. Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snff, so
please have an empty spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by eight
floppy-eared coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of
loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now
adorns Bubba's fireplace.
4. You won't hear "On Comet, On Cupid, On
Donder and Blizten ..." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear,
"On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and Labonte, on Rudd on
Elliott and Petty."
5. "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you are also likely
to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I hear'd dat!"
6. As required by Southern highway laws,
Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety sticker on the back
of the sleigh with the words, "Back Off!" and "Don't Mess with Santa!"
The last I heard it also had other decorations on the back of the sleigh
as well. One is a Ford or Chevy logo with lights that race through the
letters and the other is a caricature of me (Santa Claus) going wee wee
on the Easter Bunny.
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as
"Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown
in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg
Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds
as Bubba Claus and dozens of state of state patrol cars crashing into
each other. 8. Bubba
Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife,
and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under
the tree.
Santa's Prayer
by
Warren D.
Jennings
The sleigh was all packed, the reindeer were
fed. But Santa still
knelt by the side of the bed.
"Dear Father", he prayed. "Be with me
tonight. There's much
work to do and my schedule is tight.
I must jump in my sleigh and streak through
the sky, Knowing full
that a reindeer can't fly.
I'll visit each household before the first
light, I'll cover the
world and all in one night.
With sleigh bells a-ringing, I'll land on
each roof, Amid the
soft clatter of each little hoof.
To get in the house is the difficult part,
So I'll slide down the chimney of each
child's heart. My
sack will hold toys to grant all their wishes,
The supply will be endless like the loaves
and the fishes. I
will fill all of the stockings and not leave a track.
I'll eat every cookie that is left for my
snack. I can do all
these things Lord, only through You,
I just need Your blessing, then it's easy to
do. All this to
honour the birth of the One,
That was sent to redeem us, Your most holy
Son. |
